Tom created a lovely teaching-prompt at Read Write Poem this last week. You’ll have to read it in its entirety to appreciate it. This little post can wait while you go there.
I’m not sure I was taken more with the theme of Lowell’s “A Gift” and Shelley’s “Ozymandias” or with the exercise itself. I’m also not quite sure I fit in one category or another (abstract or concrete). I think I tend to write in both. Not as well, be sure. But I flit back and forth between abstract and the real, concrete. I think it’d be a good exercise for me to go through my work and see what camp, if any, I fall into. Not to count delegates, but to see what that would show me about my work. I will do that. Soon.
In the meantime, I’ve chosen to try to mimic Lowell on the “transity of human efforts”.
*
Promises
Friend, come close and listen.
I whisper secrets
only you can hear.
I’ve written you a recipe, a coupon.
In any future bright and clear you will
redeem and find me whole:
oranges in June and strawberries in December
a smoothie to call in the morning light, a cocktail
to soothe the dark’s dusk.
Fruit’s pulp will scrim a glass
yet I will be gone.
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the underlying sentiment chills me,, i feel very much like the pulp scrimming the glass at times… i think this was excellent,, and very visual….
“backstabber”
wonderfully done. i could almost taste and smell this!
I could almost taste it too!
very well done, redeem and find me whole lovely.
Deb,
Oh, I like what you do. I confess I hadn’t read the prompt closely because as I mentioned at rwp, I’m feeling a little burned out with prompts. Then I read this and remembered I enjoy this kind of exercise. One of my favorite, better poems (in my opinion) was emulating a poet. Not likely to post a link in time for Tom’s prompt, but I want to give this a go thanks to you.
A clever emulation of the Lowell & a very effective poem in its own right.
deb,
I thought of winter, and how it whispers the signs of warmer weather and the fruits of summer, but when those fruits arrive, no sign of winter remain. I don’t see this as chilling in the sense of death. My view is more cyclical. Did I “get” it?
I think this is a terrific poem. I liked how the narrator invites me to come close to listen to the words. I’m immediately drawn in to an intimate space.
This is soooooo good! (I read this before I tried the link. Now I’ll go back and take a look)
GReat work, deb.
I like “fruit’s pulp will scrim a glass” very much. (Love the “verbing” of scrim!)
So I went back and read, came back here to reread to stay motivated and then I did my thing.
If you’re interested, I’ll tell you about the inspiration for my draft.
Nice one, I love the descriptive words and the way you place them to invoke the image. Very good.
Mine is at The Writer’s Lounge.