Pantoum for Laundry Day Dreams
She sets the day far too far in advance
of days growing slower or running ahead.
Coffee leans cold, sheets crease their stance,
she sighs low to pillows flung free on a bed.
Days slow like a shadow and race on ahead,
a singing bird spotted by lost idles’ chance.
She sighs, tangled sheets strewn over the bed,
instead wants weeds and muddy garden pants.
Bird song is whistled as if in slight chance
what carried her on might keep her well fed.
Instead she needs last year’s garden pants.
Their memory brings cheeks’ bright rosy red.
What carried her on might keep her well fed,
a bit of custom not hard circumstance.
His memory brings cheeks bright, roses red,
a ramble of steps and a lost wooded dance.
A bit of custom not hard circumstance,
for a world imagined, not to which she’s been bred.
A ramble of minced steps in a lost wooded dance,
a heart joined in joy had been what he had said.
For a world imagined, for which she’d been bred,
coffee’s not cold, white sheets lift happenstance,
and a heart joined in joy is exactly as he’d said.
She sets off for that day, not too far in advance.
* * *
This week’s Read Write Poem prompt for this week was all about repetition.
And, as it turns out, Totally Optional Prompt is about a different voice. It’s a great idea to explore, and loosely fits my response to the RWP prompt. (And everyone there is all about the “optional part”; here’s where you can find links to other voices.)
I thought I’d give both the pantoum and rhyming a go. If you want to know about the pantoum form, go see Tom’s article at RWP. He has far better examples than mine, here.
While it’s a rough draft, and could benefit by better line structure in general, I did have fun working to two constraints and hope you can find the story. (I’m also working on story-telling, a new personal mission.)
Go see what others have to say, using repetition, here.
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Deb, I really like the sounds and images here. I am very fond of this form and the ghazal. I can’t tell you how good it feels to be reading poetry again, especially poetry written by friends.
I really like this. The rhythm of a few of the lines is a little clunky to my ear — “and a heart joined in joy is exactly as he’d said” has a sticky clot of consonants at the end of it — but the overall effect, of dreamtime, of shifting overlays of duty and desire, is really brilliant.
I love the first stanza especially — it lays out the whole territory that the rest of the poem will roam in, so precisely and compactly.
Wonderful work. Have I seen you rhyme before? I don’t think so.
Thank you for this wonderful poem.
Thanks to you both for visiting. Thank you , thank you!
I think your ear is right, Dale. There are places that clunk to me, too. And no, I haven’t rhymed publically before. Its really an odd form for me to try. So I appreciate your comments and that it generally worked okay.
Susan, I like having you here, too. :-)
I like all the references to household and nature – the setting is homey and concrete, which grounds the form of the pantoum, and lifts the emphasis off the repetition, a nice change for this form.
I didn’t even try to rhyme – I applaud you! It’s good to try it, though, because it can only strengthen your writing.
i believe your decision to write in form in allowed this piece a voice very much not your own… i had fun with the pantoum tho.. and i am not huge on form either….
I enjoyed this piece – it seems that a change or form produces a different voice – this one is a departure for you. The routine of laundry takes on a new life here. Nice work!
An excellent voice.