Here is my try at a fill-in-the blanks poem, with the original skeleton provided by a Tiel, from Knocking From the Inside. Her original poem, In the Province of Saints, is quite lovely, and I’m not able to do her skeleton justice here…but it was a fun prompt and a good way to get back into poem-ing. Thank you, Tiel, for sharing a great skeleton! (Although I must admit, I had to change a few other words- not being one to stick within limits, I had to mess around a bit…)
My poem is first, with Tiel’s skeleton prompt immediately following.
Chase, Capture, Release
Nay, you threaten me by force
thou treacherous devil, thou unloving heart!
I will not descend the maddening stairs to be the equal to you.
Abandon is the pleasure of children,
a folly without ambition, a carelessness of no import
but the soul forgets to sigh.
Abandon is a treasure found under a forgotten seriousness.
Burning is the rush of footsteps,
a hush fragrant with the echos of your
pursuit of me and my values
where fire threatens to combust a step ahead.
Miracle is my escape from capture,
where I am safe from plotting demons and tendrils
of snakes and octopuses on crack cocaine who want to strangle me.
All the lands of bells restore the gift of freedom:
they announce joy and release at every door
on every street
in the arms of an angel’s devil
like chocolate in a dark pool
beside the uneven soul and the enlightened spirt
under warm suns!
Tiel’s Original Skeleton Prompt:
Nay, ¬__ me by
thou __ __, thou __ __-__ __!
I will not __ __ __ the __ _ with you.
Abandon is the __ of __,
a __ without __, a __ of no __
where the __ __ is __.
Abandon is a __ __ under an __ __.
Burning is the __ of __,
a __ fragrant with the __ __
__ of __ and __
where fire __ __ __ __ a step _.
Miracle is the __ of __,
where __ __ __ from __ __ and __
like __ __ on __ __.
All the lands of ¬¬__ are the __ of __:
the __-__ __ and __ at every door
on every street
in the __ of __ __
like __ in dark __
beside the __ __ and the __ __
under an __ __!
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Ooh, nice. It’s amazing how a poem can use most of the same words and come out so different! I like the “uneven soul and the enlightened spirit” a lot.
Isn’t it fascinating how similar and different your poem is from the original? Both seem to me to be about resisting temptations, but from different directions. Yours ends on a (well-earned) victorious note, while Tiel’s ending is much more ambiguous . . .
You have many admirable images here. I agree with Tiel on “uneven soul and the enlightened spirit”, but my personal favorite is “I will not descend the maddening stairs to be the equal to you.”
Full of great imagery. The line about snakes on crack cocaine is startling.
I loved the ending. Great imagery here. I liked the line:
“where I am safe from plotting demons and tendrils
of snakes and octopuses on crack cocaine who want to strangle me.”
http://firmlyrooted.blogspot.com/2008/08/paring-it-all-down-to-basics.html
Not an easy one to choose, but you did great. I love the whole poem, but the 2nd stanza is so complete, it could stand on its own.