The Read Write Poem prompt this week is to draw inspiration from a published poem; take a line, turn it into your own and grow a new poem from the filched line. As I consider music to be my favorite kind of poetry (and sometimes the most moving), I’ve decided to draw my inspiration this week from the song Hallelujah, written by Leonard Cohen. As Cohen is also a published poet, I figured this definitely counts! The song was covered most notably by Jeff Buckley,(probably the most beautiful version of the song) but I’ve also heard nice versions by K.D. Lang and Brandi Carlisle (it was actually her version that first inspired this poem.)
The line that (partially) inspired this poem came from Buckley’s version, and is: “The baffled king composing hallelujah”.
The Composition of Your Tears
Troubled dreams tangle my
mind; you and I
dance a novice tango across
embittered fields of dandelions
and land mines; adroit, you avoid
weeds, annihilation, but
miss the perfumed irises
that sting my eyes with potent
perfume and
jouissance:
the pleasure of pain and
the pain of your pleasure. Still, I
awake with your tears on my cheeks
and you, the baffled king,
cry hallelujah through clenched teeth
in your dreams, like a dog who
barks in his sleep chasing phantom rabbits,
now you dance alone.
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on Aug 31st, 2008 at 7:54 pm
I love this. Very beautiful. And such beautiful words that inspired this, too.
-Nicole
on Sep 1st, 2008 at 7:24 pm
I’m glad to see the word “jouissance” that’s one I haven’t seen in a while. I love the phrase “dandelions and land mines.” Enjoyed this a lot.
on Sep 1st, 2008 at 8:09 pm
I agree with Nathan.
“jouissance” is a great word to use.
I catch words haphazardly
on Sep 1st, 2008 at 8:55 pm
And when I thought I got to post first :)
I like the poem and the image of fields of dandelions and land mines is great. I love it.
on Sep 1st, 2008 at 10:00 pm
The dandelions, landmines and irises are very evocative… and I like the idea of dancing a novice tango!
on Sep 1st, 2008 at 11:43 pm
embittered dandelions and phantom rabbits – wonderful images.
I saw Leonard Cohen in concert a couple of weeks ago, magnificent! I also recently read one of his novels, I’ve never read his poetry though
on Sep 2nd, 2008 at 3:26 am
So many great phrases here:
dance a novice tango
chasing phantom rabbits
Just some really wonderful rhythms to this piece.
on Sep 2nd, 2008 at 3:54 am
I really liked the “dance a novice tango…”
on Sep 2nd, 2008 at 5:30 am
The tango is a potent image for the energy of this poem, as a couple moves their way together across space. I like this! So many vivid details, I’d be quoting the whole poem if I listed them all.
on Sep 2nd, 2008 at 6:47 am
i love this! like christine, i think the phrase “dance a novice tango” sets the tune for the entire poem. and how wonderful that it was inspired by “hallelujah”, one of my favorite songs. jeff buckley’s version stills gives me chills.
on Sep 2nd, 2008 at 9:37 am
Love Cohen. Do check out a collaborative work of art by Matisse and Cohen’s poem, “Dance Me To The End of Love”. Try to find the original book. The illustrations and layout is amazing.
I can hear this playing. Very nice.
Love, love, love this new space. You two just keep it coming. Well done.
on Sep 2nd, 2008 at 12:02 pm
Thanks for your comment on my blog Kate – I think Leonard Cohen must be touring the states too, its his grand world tour after 15 years in retirement,
on Sep 4th, 2008 at 12:58 am
the title does wonderful justice.. it is a lyrical song waiting for music…