I took dancing lessons from the time I was six years old and other waking dreams
Carnival lights are controlled
by remote brain trusts
sitting in tents, caged
in narrow cells as long as high school
football fields. One mind thinks
yellow, another red, and so on.
When the Tilt-a-Whirl looses
its glint it means one of the brains
has fallen asleep and rolled
into the muddy gutter. They
can be resuscitated, rehabilitated.
Take them to MoMA and expose
them to Klein’s blue and Hirst’s swirls –
ignore the naked bodies & dissected
shark for now — Keep away
from soft hay fields, pastels mildewed.
Bright needs edges to burn.
* * *
I revised one of my NaPoWriMo poems, which used hyperlinks (I had the benefit of getting to preview Juliet’s prompt and it worked its way in my head).
I did get a thoughtful comment from Susan who said, among other generous things, that “My concern is how does a reader relate to the three last references without the links? And the string of them makes it difficult to move through them.”
I think it’s a good point about using hyperlinks. Part of the difficulty here at Stoney Moss is my blog template is set too bold for hyperlinks, and I haven’t taken the time — yet — to figure out how to futz with the template and tone down the link colors. I think a soft black, not bold style would be better.
In the revision I added a tiny bit (hints, really) to Klein and Hirst in case the reader is not familiar with them. Klein (and Rothko) made an impact on me a couple of years ago when I saw a show in Fort Worth. Here’s a poem/post from that time, which I am still working on.
I love hyperlinks. I like distractions and getting to dive deeper into “stuff,” although it may detract from the traditional poem form, it gives us blogging poets a chance to do so much more. Figuring out the very best way to do that is the challenge.
Oh, and an attaboy to Phil Thrift (in case you missed his comment on the prompt) who said, “I invented a word (or term) that’s in Urban Dictionary: mood link (like mood ring), whose color “takes on” a feature or characteristic of its link target. I’ve used this in some of my poems. (The UD editors allowed it in after about two months!)”
Find other poems, linked or not, here, at Read Write Poem.
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I agree that the hyperlinks can trip you up as you’re reading the piece (sometimes so can any specific reference/word with which the reader isn’t familiar).
I really like the idea of being able to “go see” something a poet has referenced. I wonder if the solution is to leave the hyperlinks out of the poem itself, but list them at the end of the post so the reader would still have the benefit of going off in search of it and the blogger would still have the benefit of pleasing google and other search engines (don’t they like sites best that have oodles of links?).
I also think that hyperlinks could hinder your reading, but so would be having to look unknown words in a dictionary…I usually read the poem as a whole and come back to the hyperlinks (or dictionary words). And this poem is a great example of the advantages of hyper linking – it reintegrates the poem in its context among colors and shapes
Yeah, it’s difficult to know when and where to use a hyperlink in a poem. I use them all the time in other blog posts, but very rarely in a poem. Although in blogger, you can usually insert a link without it being highlighted. Anyway, love the references in your poem, and I’m off to clink~the~links!
I dont know how to hyperlink…so…but I think it could be neat to use at times….but….guess Im sitting on the fence…”fence” hmmm prompt word
I like that in addition to hyperlinking you used the title attribute as well. I did that too. It seemed natural, and I like the results far more than if it was just hyperlinked. It’s like adding a third layer.
Cool poem too. I love the idea of the linked brains each controlling a different color and needing to be replenished. Reminds of Philip Dick somehow.
I think the hyperlinks worked, but the one thing I’ve been finding is that it’s better to read the whole poem to the end and THEN follow the hyperlinks. Or if they open in another tab or browser window, that’s helpful. Otherwise, it could be a bit distracting.
-Nicole
Bright needs edges to burn. — i love this line!
hyperlinks don’t bother me at all. and i’m with nicole, i read the whole poem first, then follow the hyperlink, then read the poem again.
I always read the whole poem and then revisit the hyperlinks I need to use. I think they can be irritating but they can add depth and information and are easier to follow than it would be to then visit a search engine or look up a dictionary. I think if there are too many hyperlinks needed in a poem, it may be a sign that actually the poem is too obscure….
Thanks for reading, everyone. It’s been fun, and helpful, to hear what you think.