Dry sky
A Revelation Reveals a Dry Sky Disguised with Clouds
The sky behind your shoulder loiters.
Movement disguised by travel,
acuity loosened by slow wheels.
My stomach lurches as scenes slump
like the times my car stands still
but slips because another pulls forward
out of the corner of my eye.
In seance dreams you confide
a past life we didn’t share, a harm
I didn’t know was there revealed.
A train pulls away. I want to be on it.
Leave this empty road with open doors behind.
* * *
“seance slump loiter sky acuity lost flaming fur hearts sanguine”
Words from this week’s Read Write Word prompt, bolded with those used. Find other poems that might just contain a few, or perhaps all of them, here.
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July 16, 2009 at 9:45 am
Something is funny with my post. It isn’t listing in the “Recent Posts.” But is in the sidebar “Recent Poetry.”
Aggravating.
July 16, 2009 at 12:06 pm
What a title!
acuity of touch
July 16, 2009 at 12:14 pm
Sometimes I think I should only write titles.
July 16, 2009 at 12:50 pm
Beautiful. I’m left wanting to travel this road with you and see the skies loitering behind. Well done. Have a great day.
July 16, 2009 at 1:39 pm
Thanks, Michelle! You, too.
July 16, 2009 at 12:54 pm
“My stomach lurches as scenes slump
like the times my car stands still
but slips because another pulls forward
out of the corner of my eye.”
Such a frightening experience — kudos for capturing it in a poem.
July 16, 2009 at 1:40 pm
Thanks, Sherry. I’ve been wanting to try to get that one down for ages and ages. It’s such a surreal moment.
July 16, 2009 at 6:06 pm
Lovely image and a great last line. Nicely done, Deb.
Btw — I love the new look of your site.
July 17, 2009 at 9:19 am
Thanks, Jessica, times three. :-)
July 16, 2009 at 8:34 pm
Deb, your poem is concrete and surreal at the same time..love what you did.
July 17, 2009 at 9:20 am
Thanks, Irene. I was hoping ;-).
July 16, 2009 at 8:49 pm
I just love the image of the sky loitering behind someone’s shoulders. You had me hooked at line one.
July 17, 2009 at 9:20 am
Oh, good Erin. Sometimes I should abandon my first lines. Glad these weren’t the case.
July 17, 2009 at 9:35 am
deb this format plays well with the scene you creatively set up, very effective. a new take on the word seance, really enjoyed seeming it as an adjective rather than standing alone. the picture to accompany relays your words well, very dry indeed! a desolate read this morning i was happy to enjoy. -lawrence
July 18, 2009 at 2:52 pm
Thanks, Lawrence. I know poets aren’t supposed to use too many adjectives or adverbs. But …
Glad you like the photo, too. It looks like the landscape I grew up in.
July 17, 2009 at 12:02 pm
Loitering Skies
What a novel idea. I really like this poem.
July 18, 2009 at 2:51 pm
Thanks, Mark. I like that pairing.
July 18, 2009 at 3:55 pm
I’ve never ridden a train but I think this must be what it feels like.
I like this, too:
In seance dreams you confide
a past life we didn’t share, a harm
I didn’t know was there revealed.
A train pulls away.
July 22, 2009 at 11:36 pm
Hmmm. I’m pleased it evoked movement for you, Angie. Thanks for reading & commenting.
July 20, 2009 at 11:53 am
Wow. I like this a lot: but so much misery! xoxo
July 22, 2009 at 11:37 pm
I can see that, now that you say it, although it didn’t feel miserable to me. Just a motion of separation, a leaving.
July 22, 2009 at 6:43 pm
Beautiful work, Deb. That second stanza especially just knocks me over.
July 22, 2009 at 11:38 pm
Thanks Nathan, I appreciate hearing this. No that I want to knock you over, you know. Well. Maybe kinda. In a nice way. ;-)
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