Trading in Impulses
If you were a beacon where would you sit? In the crack of a boulder, the arc of a shoulder? It’s not like a window display.
Retail’s large panes, merchandise set aside from everyday use, no want of a museum, theater curtains that gape.
Décollage shimmering a wickedly sharp plan hatched to whisper what you need. All signs should be sited on hilly terrain.
Hoisted high, no rococo ornamentation, a fad disguised as must. It’s only recess, play so we can start the game.
Shuffle back to stained desks, learn to spell all of the states and nations as if the world is a sphere and ink can be.
Stopped up like a dam, keyed into a take away supper complete with packaged spices.
Tiny tears, serrated then sutured, are trend lines to mark a working family’s losses.
* * *
This strange little draft is in response to this week’s Read Write Poem prompt, supplied by Matthew Zapruder, with a twist. My writing time was bus time this week, and rather than cart a dictionary with me (I love my American Heritage dictionary, mostly because I cannot afford the OED) I went through my current journal’s word list.
Then I alphabetized the dozen words I selected. Next I tried to think of their opposite or contrary words. After that, I re-alphabetized those and wrote each word down the center of my journal, line by line, and then, only then, did I free-write words in and out to make something that might resemble a poem. I transposed the lines into a paragraph, read it aloud, and broke the lines out again. I think that is pretty mechanical, which was the point of the exercise. I should refine this before I blog it, but alas, I have done all I can do at the moment.
Want to see how others went at it? Go here.
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I really liked “a fad disguised as must.” Great line.
Thanks, Donna.
Sounds more complex than the original plan! :) There are so many phrases here that strike my fancy that I’m going to go into the night leaving only: ‘Wonderful’!
You’re too kind, Tumblewords.
Interesting method! You had me at bacon!
Um, it was beacon. But then again, I originally titled the post “woking with words” so …
When I read this my first instinct is to mix them and make a poem because of all the good lines.Nathan has this effect on me as well.
My favourites…rococco decollage the stained desks takeaway and tears of the working family
Thanks, Ral! Take them if you’d like. That would be fun.
‘learn to spell all of the states and nations as if the world is a sphere and ink can be’
Great line…wish I’d written it. :-)
I enjoyed your process notes almost as much as the poem itself.
Thanks, Mark. =)
I like how the poem’s title introduces some of the concerns of the poem — impulse-buying encouraged by lavish shopping window displays, impulse-control that must be exercised by working families with no discretionary money to spend, the trading of holiday ideals (play, fantasy) with the harsh realities of work and school, of growing up as a citizen in a world which relies on international trade. The economics of our interdependent societies often requires us to trade in one kind of life for another. The last words of the first few couplets are assonant, resulting in a ghazal-like sound: display, gape, terrain, game. I like your process of choosing the antonyms of your original word list.
I love having you read my poems for you are able to convey very quickly what I had only whispered in my own ear.
I also like following you around as you comment on others, for you are generous with all of us and I always learn much. Thank you!
Love, love, love how you made the prompt your own AND invested your bus time, well.
My favorite lines were these:
>>>> Décollage shimmering a wickedly sharp plan hatched to whisper >>>> what you need. All signs should be sited on hilly terrain.
So wondrously visual, I felt as if I was there, seeing this…
Thanks, Julie. Those were some of my favorites, too. I’m glad you like them and that you could visualize what I was doing.
I appreciate the subtleties of your poem. I confess Therese’s reading helped a lot. You have such a slant style, I’m afraid..a good thing Deb.
I appreciated her reading, too, Irene. Sometimes I’d rather not be so oblique, but I can’t seem to help it.
nicely done Deb…fad disguised as must….is a must….thanks again for sharing this
Thank you for reading, Wayne. =)
I really liked reading your process for this poem. Sometimes it is so interesting and fun to be so “mechanical”. I felt it worked well in giving you and all of us readers something to ponder on.
The first two lines could be the beginning of another type of poem also…
The iambic and rhyming seem to do that in the first line. I wondered if I should break it so it didn’t set the rest of the poem up (to disappoint), or make the rest of the poem match. Maybe if I ever revise I’ll do something. But I suspect this will remain a draft forever. :-)
Very nice. I especially like the first two lines. The use of of rhyme adds strength (shoulder, boulder) and then what a great shift/leap into “It’s not like a window display” which creates some surprise and makes one want to get to the next line…
Thanks, Cindy. Glad that worked for you. It seemed right, at the time, then I second guess the structure like crazy.
I love the rhythm of these sentences. The process was interesting too. I wonder what would happen if you paired this with a poem that used the original words.
What a great idea!! (Wish I’d thunk of it myself. But no matter. I am going to try it!)
My favorite line has to be “Décollage shimmering a wickedly sharp plan hatched to whisper what you need”. I just love the sound of it — the assonance and alliteration I pick up in it. But the entire piece is wonderful as well — the rhythm and the internal rhyme especially. Your process to birth this sounds rather creative too. Well done.
-Nicole.