Comments on: working with words

By: Nicole Nicholson

Nicole Nicholson — Fri, 15 Jan 2010 18:40:02 +0000

My favorite line has to be “Décollage shimmering a wickedly sharp plan hatched to whisper what you need”. I just love the sound of it — the assonance and alliteration I pick up in it. But the entire piece is wonderful as well — the rhythm and the internal rhyme especially. Your process to birth this sounds rather creative too. Well done.

-Nicole.

By: Deb

Deb — Thu, 14 Jan 2010 02:18:33 +0000

What a great idea!! (Wish I’d thunk of it myself. But no matter. I am going to try it!)

By: James

James — Wed, 13 Jan 2010 20:52:50 +0000

I love the rhythm of these sentences. The process was interesting too. I wonder what would happen if you paired this with a poem that used the original words.

By: Deb

Deb — Wed, 13 Jan 2010 13:58:25 +0000

Thanks, Cindy. Glad that worked for you. It seemed right, at the time, then I second guess the structure like crazy.

By: Cindy

Cindy — Mon, 11 Jan 2010 02:26:41 +0000

Very nice. I especially like the first two lines. The use of of rhyme adds strength (shoulder, boulder) and then what a great shift/leap into “It’s not like a window display” which creates some surprise and makes one want to get to the next line…

By: Deb

Deb — Sun, 10 Jan 2010 16:03:43 +0000

The iambic and rhyming seem to do that in the first line. I wondered if I should break it so it didn’t set the rest of the poem up (to disappoint), or make the rest of the poem match. Maybe if I ever revise I’ll do something. But I suspect this will remain a draft forever. :-)

By: Deb

Deb — Sun, 10 Jan 2010 00:36:05 +0000

Thank you for reading, Wayne. =)

By: Cynthia Short

Cynthia Short — Sun, 10 Jan 2010 00:35:17 +0000

I really liked reading your process for this poem. Sometimes it is so interesting and fun to be so “mechanical”. I felt it worked well in giving you and all of us readers something to ponder on.
The first two lines could be the beginning of another type of poem also…

By: wayne

wayne — Sat, 09 Jan 2010 23:52:56 +0000

nicely done Deb…fad disguised as must….is a must….thanks again for sharing this

By: Deb

Deb — Sat, 09 Jan 2010 15:52:37 +0000

I appreciated her reading, too, Irene. Sometimes I’d rather not be so oblique, but I can’t seem to help it.